You know when you were in a bad mood, you would try anything to boost your mood up again?
Well I don't know about you, but I would.
I'd pick my favorite young-adult book then read it, I'd plug my ears with a pair of earpod and hum to my favorite songs, I'd turn my television on then change the channel to HBO, or I'd just open my laptop and watch my favorite TV series in marathon. All things I'd do to make my mind -- and heart -- shut down for a little while. To make me forget about all those shitty things that put myself in such a bad mood. To simply distract myself.
But often I found myself feel sadder, if not awful, even after I made all those (failed) attempts. Because who would have thought that the main character of the book I was reading, those certain lines from a sweet, sad song I was listening to, some scenes from a movie on HBO, or even an episode of my favorite TV series....
...would remind me back of the person, or things, that made me feel upset in the first place?
IT WAS LIKE THE FUCKING UNIVERSE DIDN'T WANT ME TO FEEL BETTER.
So I was going back to the start again, feeling as empty as before (or even emptier) just sitting there with my eyes focused on this blank space that only myself could see. And sometimes, if the feelings were too much to contain, I'd just burst myself into tears. I don't know why I did that (and most of the time I ALSO DON'T KNOW WHY I FELT THAT WAY), but I gotta admit that I felt better afterwards. Much better.
I know some days are harder than others. I now realised that sometimes it's okay not to be okay, to drown yourself in sadness and sorrow. Some hard days are just meant to be spent by curling up in bed, hiding under your thick and warm blankets, not giving a single damn about what's going on out there. Just take your time. But don't be too long, okay? Because life doesn't stop and wait for you to get up.