Wednesday, July 8, 2015

I Miss My Friends

Yesterday I just finished watching the very final episode of this UK TV series called 'My Mad Fat Diary'. It's about a 16 y/o girl named Rae who just left a psychiatric hospital after staying in there for about four months, due to her suicide attempt she had done before. When she was back to Lincolnshire, she tried to reconnect with her old best friend named Chloe, who was unaware of Rae's mental health and body image problems, convinced that Rae was just in France for the past four months. Apparently, Chloe had found a new circle of friends, making Rae started to think that maybe her life could be "normal" again. And so Rae tried to impress Chloe and her gang, despite all the anxiety she still had felt.

I love this series so much. The story revolved around friendship and love and family and self-acceptance and everything. It has three seasons and the final episode was just aired yesterday. I felt sooo emotional after I finished watching it you have no idea. Rae was supposed to go to college, she even had already accepted by a university in Bristol--and that's why it became a problem. She didn't wanna leave Lincolnshire. All the people she loved were in that city. Rae was so confused she started to fuck everything up. But but BUT, in the final episode last night, Rae finally decided what she thought was right to do and idk it felt like there was a tingling feeling in my stomach seeing Rae had become so mature. I was like a proud mother.

GOD MY HEART STILL HURTS.

And there was this one scene, when Rae and Chloe talked their hearts out to each other. Chloe was upset because everyone, including her, was leaving for college and it meant she wouldn't get to do things with them. She wouldn't get to see her gang as much as she wanted to, especially Rae, since they were very close to each other. But then Rae said to Chloe, that it's just how life goes. Everybody leaves all the time. Doesn't mean they can't still be best mates though. And they hugged and comforted each other and I cried with them I didn't even realize my eyes were already wet with tears. Idk I guess I just miss my friends, you know? The whole series reminds me of my friends but this particular scene makes me miss them even more. I could totally understand what Rae and Chloe were feeling. Sometimes we have to leave our loved ones for a while in order to keep moving forward. For the sake of our future.

BUT IT'S HARD YEAH I KNOW. I haven't seen my friends in weeks and as I said it before, I really really really miss them. These days I can't just call my friends to ask them to hang out together whenever I want. I have to make some sort of appointments first. Like an early heads-up. They're busy af. Somehow it just makes me hesitant to ask them out because I'm afraid I'll bother them and I don't want that to happen. Also, they have new friends now, who are probably way cooler and funnier and nicer and everything better. And who am I to interrupt their precious time?

I'm sorry if I come off clingy but. Yeah, sorry. I just wish them all the best and I hope I can meet them all soon.

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