Wednesday, December 30, 2015

Dear Puce

HIIIII! How are you? It's been more than two years since you were gone. Two freaking years. Wow. I'm sorry it took me so long to write another letter for you. Doesn't mean I've already forgotten you, Kak. Don't worry, You will always have a very special spot in my heart. These days, I often wonder what you would possibly doing up there. I bet they play The Beatles' In My Life a lot, since you liked that song so much. Or maybe they serve chicken satay? It was one of your favorite Indonesian dishes, wasn't it?

I remember the day you were gone. It was 3 A.M and I was asleep when my phone buzzed. I was awaken but I didn't move for even a second to reach for my phone. Somehow I knew that the text would be about you. You going away. You being free from all the excruciating pain you had felt for the past six months. I honestly didn't know how to feel about that. All I could remember is that night, that dawn, after I was awaken by the buzzing of my phone, I cried. Hard. I didn't even need to check on the text that just came in but I knew. Then I cried myself back to sleep. Later that morning, it was around 5 A.M I guess, I finally braved myself to check on the phone and there it was. Your mom texted me about the news. I was right, and only for that moment I hated for being proven right. I didn't cry though. I guess my tears had already dried up.

Kak, things are very different now. Most of us have graduated from college. Despite all the obstacles and the dramas and the tears and all those sleepless night, somehow we made it. Bina finally got an opportunity to work and live in Bali now CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?! Everybody knows it was her dream all along and she frickin did it. I'm so proud of her but there are times when I just wish she was still in Surabaya. I just met her three weeks ago actually. And I felt like for some particular reasons, she has changed, but deep down she’s still the same Bina that I’ve known since college. I guess I just felt melancholic at that time. I miss her already, by the way. Bida and Mega still stay in Surabaya. Bida is going to pursue her master degree in Magister Manajemen Unair. She’s struggling with a lot of things right now although she doesn’t show it much, but I know she is. And Mega works at WIKA now. Things were once hard for her but I think she finally got it under control. Good for her.

While Gres now works at an export-import company in Surabaya, Kak. She and Enggy were the first two people of Keluarga Bungcut who joined the 3.5 years college squad. OH AND ENGGY IS MARRIED NOW!!! We all went to Jakarta for her wedding last February and stayed at Manski's house. Manski's in Spain now, pursuing her master degree. And you still remember Sekar, right? She just graduated from her fashion school and now is planning to open a clothing line. I’m so proud of her. Cindot (remember when you and her visited Liponsos together?) and Ayu went back to Jakarta as soon as they graduated. In fact, there are many of us who moved to Jakarta because they had to work there, like Tek, Ica, Arni, Julek, Ipip, Nanok, and so on. I’m happy for them, of course, but my selfish heart feels like everybody’s leaving. It sucks. It makes me sad and anxious and question myself whether I’ve made the wrong choice not to move to another city.

As you might guess, Kak, yes, I’m stuck here in Surabaya. Maybe not stuck, or maybe I am. I don’t know. But I gotta enjoy it. Have I mentioned that I now work at a copywriting company? You, of all people, must know that I’ve always wanted to be a copywriter. Well I work as a junior writer, but still, a copywriting company. I feel like I finally belong. I hope this is a right place for me. But, Kak, is it normal that sometimes I feel like I don’t know what I’m doing? I look around and people seem to KNOW what the hell they are doing, like they are so assured that everything’s gonna be okay. I don’t have that much confidence. And now that 2015 is coming to an end, I'm SO scared about what 2016 will bring to my life. I hate the uncertainty, but I do hope everything's gonna be better. It has to.

Kak, I visited you on your birthday a few weeks ago, with Bida and Sekar. Your mom thanked us for that, for not forgetting you after all these years. I mean, how can we, Kak? HOW CAN I? You were, like, one of my best friends. Ever. I miss you, alright? We all do. I believe life would feel much better if you were still here, but that would be selfish. At least now you don't feel any more pain, and that's all I could ask for. So, yeah. Happy birthday, Kak. Happy new year. I love you.

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